Released in the UK one year after its poor performance in the US, it is a surprise that The Brothers Bloom has eventually plodded into cinemas. Written and directed by Rian Johnson and is his follow up to cult favourite Brick, The Brothers Bloom is an uneven, wacky con-movie.
Brothers Bloom (Adrien Brody) and Stephen (Mark Ruffalo) are con men; Stephen is the brains, whilst Bloom is the player. Stephen concocts fabulous cons and gives the job to Bloom to execute, having worked together double crossing people Bloom is becoming disillusioned and depressed with the life his brother has written for him. The brothers decide to do one final con, alongside silent right hand woman BangBang (Rinko Kikuchi) and target lonely ‘epileptic photographer’ heiress Penelope (Rachel Weiz). Thus begins a romp around the world as Penelope is seduced by the adventure the brothers take her on whilst Bloom begins developing feelings for Penelope.
A fundamental problem is the lack of chemistry, zing or even any substantial scenes between the two brothers. For a film entitled The Brothers Bloom, there is not much about the brothers as a team, focusing instead on Bloom and Penelope’s blossoming and rather boring romance. We do not get a real sense of the brother’s relationship, their love or who they are, despite an overlong misjudged pre-credits childhood sequence.
The comedy is very uneven; moments of slapstick litter the film awkwardly, usually involving Penelope’s epilepsy, animals drinking alcohol or a car crashing. Ruffalo and Kikuchi have greater comedic timing than Brody and Weiz, yet are sidelined in comparison to the two weaker leads. Weiz is charming enough but Brody looks and feels uncomfortable.
Fortunately, there is fun to be had from the supporting characters. BangBang (Kikuchi) in a nearly silent role is easily the most interesting character and most fun to watch, her bad ass attitude and stunning good looks bring some much needed zing to the piece. Robbie Coltrane’s fun Belgian con artist is genuinely amusing; it is a pity he disappears half way.
The pacing is fine and the film at least zips along merrily for the first hour, however, the final act starts to drag as the story shifts gear to an emotional thriller. However, the characters are not developed and are far too smug and unlikeable to care for, making the shift unsatisfactory and leading to a disappointing cop-out ending. This leads to the problem of tone, Johnson does not really settle on what he wants to do; it seems he has crammed everything he had into The Brothers Bloom so it is bursting with too many elements, genres and ideas being in; ultimately losing focus and failing to deliver, except on a technical level. The visuals are stunning and the editing techniques are flashy and echo the moments of brilliance Johnson displayed in Brick.
Like the beginning of an underperforming stage musical, The Brothers Bloom opens with fireworks, explosive jazz music and shining lights and is technically and visually great. However, like a stage musical, is littered with cheap tricks and gimmicks with no plot to speak of, or at least a plot that is all over place. The narrator misleadingly tells us ‘we ain’t ever seen a con story like this before’ –– well we have, and we’ve seen it done better.
Monday, 7 June 2010
The Killer inside me
A slow burning, intriguing and morally ambiguous piece, which has divided critics and audiences alike; The Killer Inside Me has made it over to Britain after a shaky controversial start. There seems to be an annual low budget grisly film that causes a stir at a festival; this year, it’s Killer inside me.
Casey Affleck plays Lou Ford, a quiet cop in a sleepy 1960’s Texan town. Ford slowly reveals through his actions and his hypnotic narration that he isn’t just a cop, he’s a serial killer. However, you will not find the tongue in cheek comedy of Dexter or American Psycho here. He develops a sadomasochist relationship with Joyce (Jessica Alba) whilst Amy (Kate Hudson) falls for his charms. However, certain folk suspect that behind that calm exterior, Lou is hiding something.
The character of Lou is interesting and his presence really drives the story. Like all good memorable serial killers, he has a dual personality. His character is well developed, with hints of a troubled past scattered throughout (psycho mother issues alert) which allows us to begin understand to why he is why he is. Affleck is a charismatic, interesting lead, who takes us through his rather strange view point of his world, effectively using his slightly deranged voice in an endearing performance.
Some of the plot may be difficult to follow; many characters names are often just referred to, making it difficult to match names to faces, especially as the supporting cast of the local men with heavy accents are so interchangeable and because Affleck effortlessly dominates every scene he is in.
Several sequences are masterfully put together and shot and moments are genuinely surprising. The bleak story unfolds at a steady pace, with Affleck’s unnerving narration and the wonderful cinematography oozing noir atmosphere. Unfortunately, the story eventually runs out of steam and deteriorates into silliness. The overuse of opera music, which has become a cliché to indicate ‘psychos are at work’ becomes slightly irritating, but thankfully the equal dosage of classic almost eerie country music makes up for it.
This high level of violence is nothing new in cinema, but it is un-relentlessly and brutally against women. The violence and sadomasochism feels almost glamorised as the camera lingers upon the women’s pain without fail. On the other hand, male characters are taken out swiftly by bullets to the head or with dignity off screen. The Killer Inside Me also paints a horrendous depiction of women; they are all weak, unlikeable and verge on being pathetic. Jessica Alba is fine, but she is not required to do much more than have sex, cry and occasionally wink and smile at the camera like she is on a magazine cover. Kate Hudson is poor; she does not possess the southern sass the character requires, nor is the character developed enough for the audience to engage with. She should stick to romantic comedies, however, that could certainly be argued against also.
However, ignoring the baggage that has accompanied the film and ignoring the countless flaws, The Killer Inside Me is an interesting, bleak exploration of a twisted individual with disturbing imagery and slow burning tension. It’s an acquired taste. Looking at Winterbottom’s back catalogue, he is no stranger to causing a fuss or shying away from gritty themes or controversy, and Killer inside me is no exception.
Casey Affleck plays Lou Ford, a quiet cop in a sleepy 1960’s Texan town. Ford slowly reveals through his actions and his hypnotic narration that he isn’t just a cop, he’s a serial killer. However, you will not find the tongue in cheek comedy of Dexter or American Psycho here. He develops a sadomasochist relationship with Joyce (Jessica Alba) whilst Amy (Kate Hudson) falls for his charms. However, certain folk suspect that behind that calm exterior, Lou is hiding something.
The character of Lou is interesting and his presence really drives the story. Like all good memorable serial killers, he has a dual personality. His character is well developed, with hints of a troubled past scattered throughout (psycho mother issues alert) which allows us to begin understand to why he is why he is. Affleck is a charismatic, interesting lead, who takes us through his rather strange view point of his world, effectively using his slightly deranged voice in an endearing performance.
Some of the plot may be difficult to follow; many characters names are often just referred to, making it difficult to match names to faces, especially as the supporting cast of the local men with heavy accents are so interchangeable and because Affleck effortlessly dominates every scene he is in.
Several sequences are masterfully put together and shot and moments are genuinely surprising. The bleak story unfolds at a steady pace, with Affleck’s unnerving narration and the wonderful cinematography oozing noir atmosphere. Unfortunately, the story eventually runs out of steam and deteriorates into silliness. The overuse of opera music, which has become a cliché to indicate ‘psychos are at work’ becomes slightly irritating, but thankfully the equal dosage of classic almost eerie country music makes up for it.
This high level of violence is nothing new in cinema, but it is un-relentlessly and brutally against women. The violence and sadomasochism feels almost glamorised as the camera lingers upon the women’s pain without fail. On the other hand, male characters are taken out swiftly by bullets to the head or with dignity off screen. The Killer Inside Me also paints a horrendous depiction of women; they are all weak, unlikeable and verge on being pathetic. Jessica Alba is fine, but she is not required to do much more than have sex, cry and occasionally wink and smile at the camera like she is on a magazine cover. Kate Hudson is poor; she does not possess the southern sass the character requires, nor is the character developed enough for the audience to engage with. She should stick to romantic comedies, however, that could certainly be argued against also.
However, ignoring the baggage that has accompanied the film and ignoring the countless flaws, The Killer Inside Me is an interesting, bleak exploration of a twisted individual with disturbing imagery and slow burning tension. It’s an acquired taste. Looking at Winterbottom’s back catalogue, he is no stranger to causing a fuss or shying away from gritty themes or controversy, and Killer inside me is no exception.
The Ghost
Post-Oscar season tends to be laden with breezy political thrillers like The Ghost, which is an interesting, albeit slightly unsatisfying drama-thriller. Aptly adapted by Roman Polanski and Robert Harris from his own novel, The Ghost is not political commentary; instead director Polanski concentrates on crafting a slow-burning mystery, stylishly unravelling the secrets of the Ex-Prime Minister.
Ex-Prime Minister Adam Lang (Pierce Brosnan) hires Ewan McGregor as the predecessor to his ghost writer, who has died under mysterious circumstances. Information has been leaked to the media that Adam is guilty of war crimes as McGregor is whisked away to a very rainy and gloomy island near New York to stay with Adam and finish his memoirs, whilst slowly discovering the clues his predecessor left behind.
Brosnan does not get enough screen time and when onscreen largely blows it, as if he is still recovering from Mamma Mia. Despite a shaky Londoner accent, McGregor is solid in the leading role, but he is a 2D character, he is there to get us from plot A to plot B. There are supporting turns from Kim Cattrall, channelling Samantha Jones with a British accent as Adam’s PA and Olivia Williams as his suffering wife who turns into a femme fatale half way through which is quickly forgotten about. Eli Wallach delivers the same cheeky cameo role as he did in Mystic River as ‘old kooky guy giving extra background information so the plot makes more sense to the main character/audience’. The ever-reliable Tom Wilkinson is a welcome addition further into the film as we delve more into Adam’s past.
Thankfully, despite the hefty 128 minutes running time, The Ghost never succumbs to being boring or slow. This is helped by any scene devoid of plot or dialogue, such as McGregor driving looking worried is accompanied by ‘tension’ music as well as characters sharing meaningful glances between themselves. The Ghost is twisty and enjoyable enough, but the revelations are never shocking or revealing enough, they incur more of a ‘oh OK’ reaction. The biggest attempt at a ‘gotcha’ moment ends up feeling slightly cheap.
The cinematography and location lend the film a much needed gritty and dark atmosphere. As a drama, the film succeeds; the script is intriguing and capably directed by Polanski. However, attracted by the promises of a thriller may be disappointed as unfortunately there is no sustained tension. For every exciting scene there is an obvious and clunky exposition scene. For example, the PA has not thrown out the possessions for the man who has mysteriously died and leaves McGregor to stumble across any important clues himself.
Despite its faults, The Ghost is competently made and certainly one of McGregor’s better thriller choices, leaving the ghastly Deception behind him. It is certainly an interesting and thought provoking way to spend two hours and a moderately successful addition to an ever-growing catalogue of thrillers based on popular crime novels.
Ex-Prime Minister Adam Lang (Pierce Brosnan) hires Ewan McGregor as the predecessor to his ghost writer, who has died under mysterious circumstances. Information has been leaked to the media that Adam is guilty of war crimes as McGregor is whisked away to a very rainy and gloomy island near New York to stay with Adam and finish his memoirs, whilst slowly discovering the clues his predecessor left behind.
Brosnan does not get enough screen time and when onscreen largely blows it, as if he is still recovering from Mamma Mia. Despite a shaky Londoner accent, McGregor is solid in the leading role, but he is a 2D character, he is there to get us from plot A to plot B. There are supporting turns from Kim Cattrall, channelling Samantha Jones with a British accent as Adam’s PA and Olivia Williams as his suffering wife who turns into a femme fatale half way through which is quickly forgotten about. Eli Wallach delivers the same cheeky cameo role as he did in Mystic River as ‘old kooky guy giving extra background information so the plot makes more sense to the main character/audience’. The ever-reliable Tom Wilkinson is a welcome addition further into the film as we delve more into Adam’s past.
Thankfully, despite the hefty 128 minutes running time, The Ghost never succumbs to being boring or slow. This is helped by any scene devoid of plot or dialogue, such as McGregor driving looking worried is accompanied by ‘tension’ music as well as characters sharing meaningful glances between themselves. The Ghost is twisty and enjoyable enough, but the revelations are never shocking or revealing enough, they incur more of a ‘oh OK’ reaction. The biggest attempt at a ‘gotcha’ moment ends up feeling slightly cheap.
The cinematography and location lend the film a much needed gritty and dark atmosphere. As a drama, the film succeeds; the script is intriguing and capably directed by Polanski. However, attracted by the promises of a thriller may be disappointed as unfortunately there is no sustained tension. For every exciting scene there is an obvious and clunky exposition scene. For example, the PA has not thrown out the possessions for the man who has mysteriously died and leaves McGregor to stumble across any important clues himself.
Despite its faults, The Ghost is competently made and certainly one of McGregor’s better thriller choices, leaving the ghastly Deception behind him. It is certainly an interesting and thought provoking way to spend two hours and a moderately successful addition to an ever-growing catalogue of thrillers based on popular crime novels.
Sunday, 10 January 2010
Sunday, 3 January 2010
REVIEW: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince 7/10
I have always had a gripe with the Harry Potter films, being a big fan of the books, the films could of course never live up to the amazing world created in J K Rowling’s wonderful novels. However, in its sixth outing, the Potter films have finally started to come together. Everything has almost fallen into place, it is just a shame it has taken so long to get here.
Harry, coping from the tragic death of his Godfather Sirius, returns to Hogwarts with the threat of the death eaters roaming the lands, even infiltrating muggle world. Things also get a bit steamy as lurrrve is in the air, or at least teen lust in a PG rated context. The main bulk of the story includes the deliciously named ‘horcruxes’, a dangerous spell with the ability to conceal a person’s (i.e. Voldermort’s) soul, thus enabling them to live forever. With the help from new Professor Slughorn and a few trips into the pensive, Harry must once again battle for good.
When one compares this to the original film, the Philosophers (oh sorry sorcerers) stone, it is barely recognisable as being part of the same franchise. Everything is so much more grown up, darker in its themes, content and imagery. Gone are the chocolate box, Christmas feeling of warmness, bright colours and majestic music, this is grim, dark, cold and creepy in places.
The actors have mostly grown successfully into their roles, Daniel Radcliffe is effective here, and he manages to deliver some funny lines and feels like a leading man now, not just the kid who looked like how the book described him. Rupert Grint really shines, he has genuine comic timing and is given a lot more to do, and is central to the lurrrve theme. Emma Watson, easily the weakest of the three, seems to think that emoting means increasing eyebrow movement to convey feelings of angst, but 2 out of 3 good lead performances is not bad. The adults all shine in their limited roles, Helena Bonham Carter is mad as a snake and Alan Rickman is good fun as Snape. Jim Broadbent’s new addition of Slughorn is very amusing. Another great turn is Tom Felton as Malfoy, who has matured and is given important to deal with. Some are so blink and you miss them, for example, Wormtail inexplicably is present to deliver one sneer, and then disappear. The bland award does not go to Emma Watson, but to Ginny, who delivers her lines in a complete monotone fashion, it is completely strange why Harry is so infatuated with her, and is hard to believe.
There are problems though of course, though some may welcome the return of Quidditch, it seemed out of place with the darkness and the amount of lightness the love potion provided. Some parts also seemed unnecessary, Aragog’s funeral? And downright bizarre, the burning of the burrow? This is the most emotional story in the series, and unfortunately it does not deliver the right level of emotion required, I doubt tears will be spilled unlike when reading the shocking turns in the book, the descriptions and excitement give more life to the events. The revealing of the half blood prince seems almost like an afterthought, despite being the title of the damn film.
However, despite this niggling, it is good, solid and entertaining. The atmosphere is great and at times, genuinely creepy and shocking.
I have always had a gripe with the Harry Potter films, being a big fan of the books, the films could of course never live up to the amazing world created in J K Rowling’s wonderful novels. However, in its sixth outing, the Potter films have finally started to come together. Everything has almost fallen into place, it is just a shame it has taken so long to get here.
Harry, coping from the tragic death of his Godfather Sirius, returns to Hogwarts with the threat of the death eaters roaming the lands, even infiltrating muggle world. Things also get a bit steamy as lurrrve is in the air, or at least teen lust in a PG rated context. The main bulk of the story includes the deliciously named ‘horcruxes’, a dangerous spell with the ability to conceal a person’s (i.e. Voldermort’s) soul, thus enabling them to live forever. With the help from new Professor Slughorn and a few trips into the pensive, Harry must once again battle for good.
When one compares this to the original film, the Philosophers (oh sorry sorcerers) stone, it is barely recognisable as being part of the same franchise. Everything is so much more grown up, darker in its themes, content and imagery. Gone are the chocolate box, Christmas feeling of warmness, bright colours and majestic music, this is grim, dark, cold and creepy in places.
The actors have mostly grown successfully into their roles, Daniel Radcliffe is effective here, and he manages to deliver some funny lines and feels like a leading man now, not just the kid who looked like how the book described him. Rupert Grint really shines, he has genuine comic timing and is given a lot more to do, and is central to the lurrrve theme. Emma Watson, easily the weakest of the three, seems to think that emoting means increasing eyebrow movement to convey feelings of angst, but 2 out of 3 good lead performances is not bad. The adults all shine in their limited roles, Helena Bonham Carter is mad as a snake and Alan Rickman is good fun as Snape. Jim Broadbent’s new addition of Slughorn is very amusing. Another great turn is Tom Felton as Malfoy, who has matured and is given important to deal with. Some are so blink and you miss them, for example, Wormtail inexplicably is present to deliver one sneer, and then disappear. The bland award does not go to Emma Watson, but to Ginny, who delivers her lines in a complete monotone fashion, it is completely strange why Harry is so infatuated with her, and is hard to believe.
There are problems though of course, though some may welcome the return of Quidditch, it seemed out of place with the darkness and the amount of lightness the love potion provided. Some parts also seemed unnecessary, Aragog’s funeral? And downright bizarre, the burning of the burrow? This is the most emotional story in the series, and unfortunately it does not deliver the right level of emotion required, I doubt tears will be spilled unlike when reading the shocking turns in the book, the descriptions and excitement give more life to the events. The revealing of the half blood prince seems almost like an afterthought, despite being the title of the damn film.
However, despite this niggling, it is good, solid and entertaining. The atmosphere is great and at times, genuinely creepy and shocking.
REVIEW: Eden Lake
Eden Lake – 8/10
The Daily Mail were right, hoodies are over running the world and are trying to kill us all! Eden Lake takes the premise that tabloids ram down our necks on a near daily basis about the rise in hoodies and the chaos that surrounds them and turns it into a strangely convincing and disturbing low budget British horror flick.
A couple go to Eden Lake for a weekend getaway, only to encounter a group of tear-away hoodies. First is just a general aggravation, but then turns into something a lot more sinister and ultimately, life threatening for the couple. They should have just let them listen to their lovely music!
The hoodies might as well been wheeled in from the street, these kids are so convincing; I genuinely believed they were real, they were very frightening. Jack (TV’s Skins) is a stand out in a shining ensemble of relative unknown young actors. The adults are in fact overshadowed by them. Kelly Reily is fine, doing the innocent to upset to rage covered in mud very well and Michael Fassbender is solid as her fiancé.
There level of violence borders on excessive and also unnecessary. There is a prolonged torture sequence, that is bordering on inevitable in horror these days, in an attempt to appease gore hounds. We do not need to see it in our faces. However, Eden Lake does not rely on this technique, The nastiest piece of violence takes place completely in the background and is shown for a couple of seconds, however, that particular moment has stayed with me and I found it incredibly disturbing. Sometimes some of the events verge on silliness and are predictable. Despite this, it is genuinely disturbing with a terrifying finale which may haunt you. The atmosphere and slow burning to pressure boiling point, the murky gritty atmosphere all is the real horror. What is ultimately scary is that it feels real, this could happen. The violence, lack of empathy and how situations can escalate beyond your control is terrifying. Especially when this happens in the biggest, most isolated forest in the world after the one they used in Deliverance. Speaking of, obviously, Eden Lake is indebted to – middle class vacationers stumble across the lower class territory, feelings of animosity, hate and ultimately, stalking evolve rapidly. Without the water rapids.
Highly recommended, it will divide audiences, it will also generate controversy in the portrayal of the youths. It holds a mirror to society’s problems and simply that, it does not profess to know the deep roots of where this hatred stems from, it just wants to scare the living day lights out of you.
The Daily Mail were right, hoodies are over running the world and are trying to kill us all! Eden Lake takes the premise that tabloids ram down our necks on a near daily basis about the rise in hoodies and the chaos that surrounds them and turns it into a strangely convincing and disturbing low budget British horror flick.
A couple go to Eden Lake for a weekend getaway, only to encounter a group of tear-away hoodies. First is just a general aggravation, but then turns into something a lot more sinister and ultimately, life threatening for the couple. They should have just let them listen to their lovely music!
The hoodies might as well been wheeled in from the street, these kids are so convincing; I genuinely believed they were real, they were very frightening. Jack (TV’s Skins) is a stand out in a shining ensemble of relative unknown young actors. The adults are in fact overshadowed by them. Kelly Reily is fine, doing the innocent to upset to rage covered in mud very well and Michael Fassbender is solid as her fiancé.
There level of violence borders on excessive and also unnecessary. There is a prolonged torture sequence, that is bordering on inevitable in horror these days, in an attempt to appease gore hounds. We do not need to see it in our faces. However, Eden Lake does not rely on this technique, The nastiest piece of violence takes place completely in the background and is shown for a couple of seconds, however, that particular moment has stayed with me and I found it incredibly disturbing. Sometimes some of the events verge on silliness and are predictable. Despite this, it is genuinely disturbing with a terrifying finale which may haunt you. The atmosphere and slow burning to pressure boiling point, the murky gritty atmosphere all is the real horror. What is ultimately scary is that it feels real, this could happen. The violence, lack of empathy and how situations can escalate beyond your control is terrifying. Especially when this happens in the biggest, most isolated forest in the world after the one they used in Deliverance. Speaking of, obviously, Eden Lake is indebted to – middle class vacationers stumble across the lower class territory, feelings of animosity, hate and ultimately, stalking evolve rapidly. Without the water rapids.
Highly recommended, it will divide audiences, it will also generate controversy in the portrayal of the youths. It holds a mirror to society’s problems and simply that, it does not profess to know the deep roots of where this hatred stems from, it just wants to scare the living day lights out of you.
REVIEW: 2012
2012 – 2/10
Oh no, a family has become estranged! Quick, a global disaster will help them sort out their problems and realise that they actually do love each other! Luckily, in 2012, Scientists have discovered as part of the predictions by the Mayan’s, the earth’s crust is going to blow up with heat, thus destroying everything. This is the ultimate disaster movie. Literally.
This makes Roland Emmerich’s biggest hit, Independence Day look like Citizen Kane. Cliched line I know, but this movie is full of clichés, I think I’m allowed to use one. Each action sequence involves just escaping the tidal wave/ball of fire/avalanche by one second. Every damn action sequence. The visuals are impressive yes, but, so what. The script is beyond awful and incredibly hammy. We get to see certain monuments destroyed that Independence day and the day after tomorrow didn’t get to include: the Vatican, Mount Everest, the statue in South America, a cruise ship hit by a tidal wave....hey, that was just Poseidon. Or a massive ship hitting a huge ice berg....wait a minute.
The characters have been copied and pasted into this screenplay – if such a thing existed, I imagine it was a few post it notes of texts crammed between ‘blow things up!!!’ Heartfelt Scientist, Aging Captain, Noble President, Father of adorable/annoying children, mad wacky character who is totally going to die etc. The characters, oh wait, these are not characters. Characters just behave so irritatingly, random guy who is not an action star ‘I will sacrifice myself for the lead actors for no reason!’, when confronted with a near death experience ‘Don’t rush me, I need to concentrate!’. Oh, I wonder when fat selfish Russian will survive or not? Or how about bimbo Paris Hilton like woman? Or unfamous step dad? It’s ridiculous that these ‘kill me’ characters are there, as everyone is irritating, I was hoping they were all wiped out. John Cusack phones in a charismatic free performance as the ‘every day man’ hero.
The government decide to pick the intelligent and the rich to survive in some boats. At one point the president utters, ‘perhaps we should have just held a lottery, it would have been fairer!’. Well, Deep Impact used that plot, so this was the next best thing.
Apart from a great wacky turn by an almost unrecognisable Woody Harrelson and the sight of the Queen hurrying into a boat with her corgis, this is an entertainment free zone. Strangely and distractingly, the cameras appear to have switched toward the finale, the quality not out of place of a BBC Doctor Who episode. Did the film makers run out of money, break all the other equipment or presumed by this point the audience would have gone beyond caring? The premise of the tense free finale involves a wire caught in a cog. The cast apparently stumbled on the Poseidon set and decided to borrow the cheesiness that was present there. Roland Emerich includes another ‘the dog survived!’ moment, I was unable to tell whether this was a wink to the Independence day geeks or if he just really loves dogs.
There was so much potential for this to be a roller coaster ride with impressive visuals, scares and excitement. It was simply vomit inducing awful, beyond hammy and massively overlong. It is not a good sign of a film when it is near impossible to stop the physical reaction of shuddering down your spine, unable to contain audible groaning and hoping it is raining outside when the credits finally roll so you will be able to wash yourself clean again. Creaky visuals, a lack of imaginative or exciting score or awe inducing cinematography lead nothing positive. The overuse of ‘emotional’ phone calls to secondary characters you do not care at all about, even less than John Cusack and clan, is unbelievable. One such call is actually interrupted with an explosion, which I thought thank God, I don’t have to put up with another ‘you remember that time we....or how much you remind me of your mother...’ speech.
Oh no, a family has become estranged! Quick, a global disaster will help them sort out their problems and realise that they actually do love each other! Luckily, in 2012, Scientists have discovered as part of the predictions by the Mayan’s, the earth’s crust is going to blow up with heat, thus destroying everything. This is the ultimate disaster movie. Literally.
This makes Roland Emmerich’s biggest hit, Independence Day look like Citizen Kane. Cliched line I know, but this movie is full of clichés, I think I’m allowed to use one. Each action sequence involves just escaping the tidal wave/ball of fire/avalanche by one second. Every damn action sequence. The visuals are impressive yes, but, so what. The script is beyond awful and incredibly hammy. We get to see certain monuments destroyed that Independence day and the day after tomorrow didn’t get to include: the Vatican, Mount Everest, the statue in South America, a cruise ship hit by a tidal wave....hey, that was just Poseidon. Or a massive ship hitting a huge ice berg....wait a minute.
The characters have been copied and pasted into this screenplay – if such a thing existed, I imagine it was a few post it notes of texts crammed between ‘blow things up!!!’ Heartfelt Scientist, Aging Captain, Noble President, Father of adorable/annoying children, mad wacky character who is totally going to die etc. The characters, oh wait, these are not characters. Characters just behave so irritatingly, random guy who is not an action star ‘I will sacrifice myself for the lead actors for no reason!’, when confronted with a near death experience ‘Don’t rush me, I need to concentrate!’. Oh, I wonder when fat selfish Russian will survive or not? Or how about bimbo Paris Hilton like woman? Or unfamous step dad? It’s ridiculous that these ‘kill me’ characters are there, as everyone is irritating, I was hoping they were all wiped out. John Cusack phones in a charismatic free performance as the ‘every day man’ hero.
The government decide to pick the intelligent and the rich to survive in some boats. At one point the president utters, ‘perhaps we should have just held a lottery, it would have been fairer!’. Well, Deep Impact used that plot, so this was the next best thing.
Apart from a great wacky turn by an almost unrecognisable Woody Harrelson and the sight of the Queen hurrying into a boat with her corgis, this is an entertainment free zone. Strangely and distractingly, the cameras appear to have switched toward the finale, the quality not out of place of a BBC Doctor Who episode. Did the film makers run out of money, break all the other equipment or presumed by this point the audience would have gone beyond caring? The premise of the tense free finale involves a wire caught in a cog. The cast apparently stumbled on the Poseidon set and decided to borrow the cheesiness that was present there. Roland Emerich includes another ‘the dog survived!’ moment, I was unable to tell whether this was a wink to the Independence day geeks or if he just really loves dogs.
There was so much potential for this to be a roller coaster ride with impressive visuals, scares and excitement. It was simply vomit inducing awful, beyond hammy and massively overlong. It is not a good sign of a film when it is near impossible to stop the physical reaction of shuddering down your spine, unable to contain audible groaning and hoping it is raining outside when the credits finally roll so you will be able to wash yourself clean again. Creaky visuals, a lack of imaginative or exciting score or awe inducing cinematography lead nothing positive. The overuse of ‘emotional’ phone calls to secondary characters you do not care at all about, even less than John Cusack and clan, is unbelievable. One such call is actually interrupted with an explosion, which I thought thank God, I don’t have to put up with another ‘you remember that time we....or how much you remind me of your mother...’ speech.
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