Hello ladies, I am handsome Spanish actor Javier Bardem!
Lady: Hey! Weren’t you that killer off…
Javier: No! That wasn’t me…I have short hair now! Ergo, tres sexy!
Now, come to my orgy house of sex and horrors. We’ll decide your fate with a coint toss. Corrrrl ittt
Lady: Call it?
Javier: I cant corrl it for you, it wouldn’t be fairrrrrr
Lady: Fine, heads
Javier: Ah, sex it is then, we’ll save death with blast gun later.
Javier does this to every woman in Spain until 50 women including Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz live with him as well.
Penelope acts like a bitch and Javier wishes she had picked tails, but he can’t argue with the rules of a coin toss.
Stuff happens, he has sex with everyone under the Italian sun with wine, making the audience wish they had saved their money they spent on seeing this on their summer HOLIDAY.
Producers: Woody, you know, there really isn’t a plot or anything interesting happening in this film, no one will see it!
Woody: Well, I’ve got the answer – Scarlett and Penelope should engage in a LESBIAN KISS!
Producers: Brilliant! Does it help move the plot along or contribute in any way?
Woody: Of course not! But come on! Everyone wants to see that. Especially me!
Scarlett eats Penelope’s face in a non-gratuitous scene.
The film goes on for a bit more and eventually ends.
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