Mr Freeze – Allow me to break the ICE, I am Mr Freeze
Catwoman – PURRFFECCT, I am Catwoman
Mr Freeze – ICE to meet you
Catwoman - What a CATastrophe your outfit is
Mr Freeze – well you better dress warm tonight, a FREEZE is coming
Catwoman - It’s OK, I have NINE lives
Mr Freeze – ....
Catwoman – What’s the matter, CAT got your tongue?
Mr Freeze – I can’t think of anymore
Catwoman - me neither
Mr Freeze – Let us go home and promise not be pun related super villains anymore
Catwoman – Yes, let us do that with our lives instead
End.
Sunday 6 September 2009
The Final Mis-Direction
Whoa, 3D this is gonna be sooo cool ‘ New Line Cinemas Presents’ zooms at the audience
3 minutes later – actually, 3D is pretty shit and just a gimmick
New Line – Shhhh! It’s adding so much to the STORY
Huge OMG pile up crashes
Zoom out – Zach - whoa, what a scary dream! Better get out of here
The glamorous 30 year old teens, Hunt, Zach, Crystal and Corey all make it out of the demolition.
Death – I’ll be back
Terrifying opening credits of a skeleton being mutilated with fuck-yeah rock music, what is this, Saw?
Zach and Crystal - Hey guys, we’ve been researching the extremely complex first three films and apparently Death is pissed with us, he is going to kill us in the most elaborate way possible.
Not only that though, he’ll set up fake scenarios where you think that the teen is going to die from the impending drill heading toward their face, it will then miraculously stop, they will sigh a sigh of relief and then something random like a badger will throw itself at them and eat their face off.
Let’s go
Crystal-Wait a second, we need to the camera to leer at me wearing nothing but my sheer panties which I am wearing for no apparent reason.
Zach has a premonition, something SHARP is going to go through someone eye.
Woman who survived car crash - I’ve got my EYE on you, this eye here...hope nothing HAPPENS to it.
She arrives at a hair salon.
And so the set up begins – you might need a toilet break or something.
Snip fringe, chair break, shampoo slip, Snip, chair break, shampoo slip, Snip, chair break, shampoo slip, Snip, chair break, shampoo slip...
10 minutes later...
SNIP, CHAIR BREAK, SHAMPOO SLIPPPP – ARRRGHHHH – oh whoa, false alarm, I survived *sigh of relief* - oh shit I just got killed by a piece of metal through my eye from a guy outside.
Cut to – another survivor - Nurse is filling up a bathtub with water, just as it is about to reach the very top, he decides to leave it running and shut and lock the door. Bath inevitably overflows and of course falls through the floor killing victim#477. Hmm, yet a bath can hold its weight with say being full of water and holding an obese man? Yet a bit of extra water and it collapses through concrete ceiling?? Without anyone noticing?? And there was no self draining system?
Hip audience – yeah but death controlled the situation, you can’t, like, outsmart him
Oh yeah, they are so right. If death is so fucking smart, why doesn’t he just sneeze the plague at them or something instead of getting off toying with people like this. Has he not got anything better to do?
Hunt vs Tiffany– who will die??? Oh Hunt will, we don’t care and apparently none of the characters do either. He is never mentioned again.
Car mechanic – you know guys, I think everything’s gonna be allllllright
Death – ohohoh, I don’t think so! DEATH BY SPLITTING BODY THROUGH THE SHARPEST EVER FENCE
OMFG HUGE CINEMA EXPLOSIONS AND DEATHS – 20 mins of gore yeaaahh
Zoom out
Zach - Whoa, guys, I just had a terrifying vision!
Err what? You’ve played the ‘oh it was just a dream card!’ TWICE in one 75 minute movie!
We are then forced to watch the entire OMFG cinema sequence again.
People are killed watching a 3D movie in a cinema...OMG, brain cannot handle the complexity of that idea, cannot cope....
Zach saves the girls.
Fade out to not at all a ‘hey guys, we made it! Oh fuck no we didn’t death sequence’.
Zach is strolling along the street like a cocky shit head - ‘hey builders, it pays to be safe!!!’
Builders – oh yeaaah it does. I’m sure this isn’t foreshadowing anything.
Zach goes into a coffee shop.
Zach – girls here are your low fat – non coffee coffee drinks and I being a man will have a chocolate deluxe ice-cream with whipped cream on top!
They sit on a table next to the window where we can see some builders moving heaving equipment.
I bet something flies at them...oh yeah, it has. They are all crushed, however, through animated graphics instead of 3D – did they run out of money or something or were the filmmakers just bored?
Death – Hmm, how about next time I just keep my damn death thoughts to myself?
3 minutes later – actually, 3D is pretty shit and just a gimmick
New Line – Shhhh! It’s adding so much to the STORY
Huge OMG pile up crashes
Zoom out – Zach - whoa, what a scary dream! Better get out of here
The glamorous 30 year old teens, Hunt, Zach, Crystal and Corey all make it out of the demolition.
Death – I’ll be back
Terrifying opening credits of a skeleton being mutilated with fuck-yeah rock music, what is this, Saw?
Zach and Crystal - Hey guys, we’ve been researching the extremely complex first three films and apparently Death is pissed with us, he is going to kill us in the most elaborate way possible.
Not only that though, he’ll set up fake scenarios where you think that the teen is going to die from the impending drill heading toward their face, it will then miraculously stop, they will sigh a sigh of relief and then something random like a badger will throw itself at them and eat their face off.
Let’s go
Crystal-Wait a second, we need to the camera to leer at me wearing nothing but my sheer panties which I am wearing for no apparent reason.
Zach has a premonition, something SHARP is going to go through someone eye.
Woman who survived car crash - I’ve got my EYE on you, this eye here...hope nothing HAPPENS to it.
She arrives at a hair salon.
And so the set up begins – you might need a toilet break or something.
Snip fringe, chair break, shampoo slip, Snip, chair break, shampoo slip, Snip, chair break, shampoo slip, Snip, chair break, shampoo slip...
10 minutes later...
SNIP, CHAIR BREAK, SHAMPOO SLIPPPP – ARRRGHHHH – oh whoa, false alarm, I survived *sigh of relief* - oh shit I just got killed by a piece of metal through my eye from a guy outside.
Cut to – another survivor - Nurse is filling up a bathtub with water, just as it is about to reach the very top, he decides to leave it running and shut and lock the door. Bath inevitably overflows and of course falls through the floor killing victim#477. Hmm, yet a bath can hold its weight with say being full of water and holding an obese man? Yet a bit of extra water and it collapses through concrete ceiling?? Without anyone noticing?? And there was no self draining system?
Hip audience – yeah but death controlled the situation, you can’t, like, outsmart him
Oh yeah, they are so right. If death is so fucking smart, why doesn’t he just sneeze the plague at them or something instead of getting off toying with people like this. Has he not got anything better to do?
Hunt vs Tiffany– who will die??? Oh Hunt will, we don’t care and apparently none of the characters do either. He is never mentioned again.
Car mechanic – you know guys, I think everything’s gonna be allllllright
Death – ohohoh, I don’t think so! DEATH BY SPLITTING BODY THROUGH THE SHARPEST EVER FENCE
OMFG HUGE CINEMA EXPLOSIONS AND DEATHS – 20 mins of gore yeaaahh
Zoom out
Zach - Whoa, guys, I just had a terrifying vision!
Err what? You’ve played the ‘oh it was just a dream card!’ TWICE in one 75 minute movie!
We are then forced to watch the entire OMFG cinema sequence again.
People are killed watching a 3D movie in a cinema...OMG, brain cannot handle the complexity of that idea, cannot cope....
Zach saves the girls.
Fade out to not at all a ‘hey guys, we made it! Oh fuck no we didn’t death sequence’.
Zach is strolling along the street like a cocky shit head - ‘hey builders, it pays to be safe!!!’
Builders – oh yeaaah it does. I’m sure this isn’t foreshadowing anything.
Zach goes into a coffee shop.
Zach – girls here are your low fat – non coffee coffee drinks and I being a man will have a chocolate deluxe ice-cream with whipped cream on top!
They sit on a table next to the window where we can see some builders moving heaving equipment.
I bet something flies at them...oh yeah, it has. They are all crushed, however, through animated graphics instead of 3D – did they run out of money or something or were the filmmakers just bored?
Death – Hmm, how about next time I just keep my damn death thoughts to myself?
Terminator Salvation
I think Brick Tamland from Anchorman can sum this film up better than I can:
Brick – LOUD NOISES!
Brick – I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE YELLING ABOUT!!!!
Brick – LOUD NOISES!
Brick – I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE YELLING ABOUT!!!!
Deception
Deception – an erotic straight to video thriller that was accidently released in the cinemas as it stars EWAN MCGREGGOR and HUGH JACKMAN and to a lesser extent, MICHELLE WILLIAMS
Whilst the three leads firmly keep their clothes on, the rest of the unnameable cast take theirs off during various boring sex scenes that are all filmed in the dark so the film can get a 15 rating and therefore get a bigger audience!! (It grossed about 2 dollars)
Eventually, after all the sexual TENSION – the three start DECEPTING one another.
Hugh - I deceive you!
Ewan - Well, I deceive you more!
Michelle - Ahahaha, well I was deceiving both of you all long!
Hugh - Actually, I knew that
Ewan - Ahahaa, I was actually bluffing!
Michelle - Me too!
Hugh - What about me, for I was deceiving all of you right from the beginning!
Ewan - Except me, for I was deceiving you!
Michelle – As was I
Audience - actually, it’s screamingly obvious that Ewan and Michelle would ultimately deceive you Hugh, no matter how many ‘aha!’ scenes have been thrown in
Hugh/Ewan/Michelle – why did we agree to make this?
Agents – aha, we deceived all of you!!!!! OMG MONEYYY $$$$$$$$
Whilst the three leads firmly keep their clothes on, the rest of the unnameable cast take theirs off during various boring sex scenes that are all filmed in the dark so the film can get a 15 rating and therefore get a bigger audience!! (It grossed about 2 dollars)
Eventually, after all the sexual TENSION – the three start DECEPTING one another.
Hugh - I deceive you!
Ewan - Well, I deceive you more!
Michelle - Ahahaha, well I was deceiving both of you all long!
Hugh - Actually, I knew that
Ewan - Ahahaa, I was actually bluffing!
Michelle - Me too!
Hugh - What about me, for I was deceiving all of you right from the beginning!
Ewan - Except me, for I was deceiving you!
Michelle – As was I
Audience - actually, it’s screamingly obvious that Ewan and Michelle would ultimately deceive you Hugh, no matter how many ‘aha!’ scenes have been thrown in
Hugh/Ewan/Michelle – why did we agree to make this?
Agents – aha, we deceived all of you!!!!! OMG MONEYYY $$$$$$$$
Nights in Rodanthe
Bratty teenage daughter – I hate you Diane Lane! Why won’t you get back together with Dad? Sure, he fucked other women and paid prostitutes and killed that guy that time...but fuck you, you are such a bitch!!!!
Diane – Right, I think I’ll get away from my awful life and run a hotel on the beach
Richard Gere – Hmm, I sure wish I hadn’t accidently kill that woman on my operating table, do I feel bad or what. I think I’ll take my aggression out on my son James Franco
James Franco – Whattt? Don’t use my name in this! I demand to be un-credited!
Richard Gere – this is coming from a guy who was in Spiderman 3?
Unamed son – oh gee dad, why don’t you wallow in your guilt at the hotel on the beach, I think Diane Lane is running this week and judging by her previous films, I’m guessing she’ll be up for it.
Richard Gere – Oh her again, she cheated on me in Unfaithful!
Richard and Diane meet.
Diane – haven’t we...?
Richard and Diane take it slowly at first. When the screenwriters realise they cannot use ‘Diane looked at Richard. Richard looked at Diane, Diane looked away coyly’ for the 60th time, they decide to make them KISS.
They have a 5 minute relationship, old people relationships shouldn’t be dwelt upon (are you listening Something’s gotta give??)
As the film is still only 60 minutes long and there has been no CRYING, a TWIST needs to take place
Richard dies in a mud hut accident!
Diane cries for 10 minutes. She then learns a lesson about life and herself.
She then makes up with her horrible daughter.
Diane – oh great, my prize is you? Why couldn’t they have killed me off instead?
Diane – Right, I think I’ll get away from my awful life and run a hotel on the beach
Richard Gere – Hmm, I sure wish I hadn’t accidently kill that woman on my operating table, do I feel bad or what. I think I’ll take my aggression out on my son James Franco
James Franco – Whattt? Don’t use my name in this! I demand to be un-credited!
Richard Gere – this is coming from a guy who was in Spiderman 3?
Unamed son – oh gee dad, why don’t you wallow in your guilt at the hotel on the beach, I think Diane Lane is running this week and judging by her previous films, I’m guessing she’ll be up for it.
Richard Gere – Oh her again, she cheated on me in Unfaithful!
Richard and Diane meet.
Diane – haven’t we...?
Richard and Diane take it slowly at first. When the screenwriters realise they cannot use ‘Diane looked at Richard. Richard looked at Diane, Diane looked away coyly’ for the 60th time, they decide to make them KISS.
They have a 5 minute relationship, old people relationships shouldn’t be dwelt upon (are you listening Something’s gotta give??)
As the film is still only 60 minutes long and there has been no CRYING, a TWIST needs to take place
Richard dies in a mud hut accident!
Diane cries for 10 minutes. She then learns a lesson about life and herself.
She then makes up with her horrible daughter.
Diane – oh great, my prize is you? Why couldn’t they have killed me off instead?
Armageddon
An asteroid is heading for earth, as this is a MICHAEL BAY film, an action sequence must take place IMMEDIATELY. Cue comedic token black guy screaming ‘shitttt dawwwg’ as asteroids totally fuck up NY City.
Whitehouse – important looking older men in uniforms stand in rooms with big maps and graphs in the background, used to represent SCIENCE.
General 1 – What should we do? The mother ship/asteroid is heading straight for us!
General 2 – Why, we simply hire a bunch of redneck hick drillers and send them into space so they can drill the asteroid into 2, thereby both missing earth entirely – isn’t that brilliant and completely doable?
General 1 – Well, err, as we only have 2 weeks till impact, instead of conducting this completely mental experiment of training uneducated people how to go into space, which usually takes years of training and educating, why don’t we quickly trained our qualified astronauts how to drill a rock?
General 2 – I think going into space is far easier to master than drilling some things. You’re fired!
MICHAEL BAY – BORING, NEXT SCENE!
Bruce Willis – Ah sure love drilling, why that was why I was put on this here earth. Oh hello Liv Tyler, my daughter (who looks NOTHING like me)
Liv Tyler – Hi Harry, I’m angry with you which is why I repeatedly call you HARRY instead of dad. We have grown apart and are very different people. Perhaps by the end of the film we would have learned about each other and I will be able to call you ‘dad’
Bruce – alright, alright, don’t make it TOO obvious now
Liv – ok HARRY
Bruce – anyway, I am also angry that you are dating Ben Affleck.
Liv – err why exactly?
Bruce – SHUT UP BITCH, you can’t ask questions like that, you’re just a woman in a Michael Bay film, just look alluring why don’t you?
Liv – who do you think I am, Megan Fox? Now please excuse me, I’m going to have sex with Ben Affleck, where an Aerosmith song will play in the background. The lead singer of Aerosmith is my dad. This is soo wrong.
MICHAEL BAY- Ohhhhh yeaaaahhh
Billy Bob the president – an asteroid is heading to earth. (MICHAEL BAY quietly orgasms) we will now teach you a lesson about ASTEROIDS
Conveniently, as the hicks are STUPID, NASA can S-p-e-l-l out how asteroids work so the thick audience can understand too!
One hour of hilarious training montages follow as Bruce and other hicks learn to be astronauts. They’re now fully trained!
They go to space and meet a whacky Russian character - errrhhhhh, drink some vodkaaa!
The camera shakily moves a lot around the dark meteor set and we can’t see what is happening for the majority of the time.
Eventually after a lot of drilling shots, Bruce eventually SACRFIICES himself for his daughter – they now decide that they love each other and want to spend time with one another, well a bit fucking late now!
Liv – I love you.....DAD!!!!
AIR GUITARRRR SOLOOOOOO plays as he blows himself up from numerous different angles.
We cut to earth, which shows glorious AMERICANS waving their flags and celebrating, and then to English men sipping cups of tea in their castles and then some other FOREGIN countries where they dance around their mud huts and fire in their rags.
Whitehouse – important looking older men in uniforms stand in rooms with big maps and graphs in the background, used to represent SCIENCE.
General 1 – What should we do? The mother ship/asteroid is heading straight for us!
General 2 – Why, we simply hire a bunch of redneck hick drillers and send them into space so they can drill the asteroid into 2, thereby both missing earth entirely – isn’t that brilliant and completely doable?
General 1 – Well, err, as we only have 2 weeks till impact, instead of conducting this completely mental experiment of training uneducated people how to go into space, which usually takes years of training and educating, why don’t we quickly trained our qualified astronauts how to drill a rock?
General 2 – I think going into space is far easier to master than drilling some things. You’re fired!
MICHAEL BAY – BORING, NEXT SCENE!
Bruce Willis – Ah sure love drilling, why that was why I was put on this here earth. Oh hello Liv Tyler, my daughter (who looks NOTHING like me)
Liv Tyler – Hi Harry, I’m angry with you which is why I repeatedly call you HARRY instead of dad. We have grown apart and are very different people. Perhaps by the end of the film we would have learned about each other and I will be able to call you ‘dad’
Bruce – alright, alright, don’t make it TOO obvious now
Liv – ok HARRY
Bruce – anyway, I am also angry that you are dating Ben Affleck.
Liv – err why exactly?
Bruce – SHUT UP BITCH, you can’t ask questions like that, you’re just a woman in a Michael Bay film, just look alluring why don’t you?
Liv – who do you think I am, Megan Fox? Now please excuse me, I’m going to have sex with Ben Affleck, where an Aerosmith song will play in the background. The lead singer of Aerosmith is my dad. This is soo wrong.
MICHAEL BAY- Ohhhhh yeaaaahhh
Billy Bob the president – an asteroid is heading to earth. (MICHAEL BAY quietly orgasms) we will now teach you a lesson about ASTEROIDS
Conveniently, as the hicks are STUPID, NASA can S-p-e-l-l out how asteroids work so the thick audience can understand too!
One hour of hilarious training montages follow as Bruce and other hicks learn to be astronauts. They’re now fully trained!
They go to space and meet a whacky Russian character - errrhhhhh, drink some vodkaaa!
The camera shakily moves a lot around the dark meteor set and we can’t see what is happening for the majority of the time.
Eventually after a lot of drilling shots, Bruce eventually SACRFIICES himself for his daughter – they now decide that they love each other and want to spend time with one another, well a bit fucking late now!
Liv – I love you.....DAD!!!!
AIR GUITARRRR SOLOOOOOO plays as he blows himself up from numerous different angles.
We cut to earth, which shows glorious AMERICANS waving their flags and celebrating, and then to English men sipping cups of tea in their castles and then some other FOREGIN countries where they dance around their mud huts and fire in their rags.
The Wedding Planner/Hitch
JLO/Will Smith – I love helping others in their love life, there isn’t anything I don’t know about love
Person – Hey JLO/Will Smith, how’s your own personal love life going?
JLO/Will Smith – Sheeet! I forgot about that old thing! I suppose logically, I can use my experience and expertise that people pay me to use in my own life. I’ll be the best person at love!
Twist – They aren’t! They’re clueless about love! Whu-oh – cue funky pop music, preferably something from a JLO/Will Smith album
JLO/Will Smith – Oh shit, I just don’t know what to do with a the member of the opposite sex
Person – Just use your techniques
JLO/Will Smith – Err, I choose to ignore that advise, where is a hilarious romantic comedy in that concept?
Person – where the fuck is the romantic comedy in the scenario that you are proposing?
JLO/Will Smith – does it matter? We’ll still make millions!
They do.
Person – Hey JLO/Will Smith, how’s your own personal love life going?
JLO/Will Smith – Sheeet! I forgot about that old thing! I suppose logically, I can use my experience and expertise that people pay me to use in my own life. I’ll be the best person at love!
Twist – They aren’t! They’re clueless about love! Whu-oh – cue funky pop music, preferably something from a JLO/Will Smith album
JLO/Will Smith – Oh shit, I just don’t know what to do with a the member of the opposite sex
Person – Just use your techniques
JLO/Will Smith – Err, I choose to ignore that advise, where is a hilarious romantic comedy in that concept?
Person – where the fuck is the romantic comedy in the scenario that you are proposing?
JLO/Will Smith – does it matter? We’ll still make millions!
They do.
The Sixth Sense
I see dead people...including you Bruce Willis!
Bruce – OMFG, I’m dead! Oh, actually that kinda makes sense. That’s why not a SINGLE person has spoken to me, acknowledged me or shook my hand for a whole year, including my wife. It all makes SENSE. Hmm, I really should have realised sooner, especially after the whole getting-shot-in-the-chest incident at the beginning of the movie that was quickly brushed over.
M Night Shamalalaal – OMFG, my twist was soooo awesome! It blew everyone the fuck away! This has given me the confidence I needed. I will abuse this confidence and carry on writing just as smart and well written twists in ALL of my future films!
7 years later after ‘The Happening’ is released
M Night Shmalalala’s lawyers with Jedi powers - hmm, M., it really isn’t working out. I think you better go home and rethink your life.
M night: Yes, I better go home and rethink my life.
Bruce – OMFG, I’m dead! Oh, actually that kinda makes sense. That’s why not a SINGLE person has spoken to me, acknowledged me or shook my hand for a whole year, including my wife. It all makes SENSE. Hmm, I really should have realised sooner, especially after the whole getting-shot-in-the-chest incident at the beginning of the movie that was quickly brushed over.
M Night Shamalalaal – OMFG, my twist was soooo awesome! It blew everyone the fuck away! This has given me the confidence I needed. I will abuse this confidence and carry on writing just as smart and well written twists in ALL of my future films!
7 years later after ‘The Happening’ is released
M Night Shmalalala’s lawyers with Jedi powers - hmm, M., it really isn’t working out. I think you better go home and rethink your life.
M night: Yes, I better go home and rethink my life.
Shallow Hal
Jack Black – Bleeurrgghhh! I’m so misogynist, I love to get me some fine ass, I mean, I am so sexy and physically alluring – as should all my sexual partners who I inexplicably pull.
Guru – hmm, I disagree with the image you have of women Jack, I will secretly put a spell on you – you will only see ‘inner beauty’ if women are beautiful on the inside, they will be beautiful on the outside.
Jack sees gorgeous Gwyneth Paltrow
Jack: Yeaaaahhh, I’ll get me some!
Little does he know that Gwyneth is actually a 40 stone whale. However, beauty on the insssiiiiide. The film only shows us true appearance in brief half a second flashes. The audience cannot bear to subjected to anymore obese people after all that jack Black’s jiggling-on-the-pull dance.
Isn’t that a nice lesson about beauty? Hmmm, not really. This surely just cements the idea that thin and blonde = beautiful and overweight = UGLY, too ugly in fact to even be shown. However, we are allowed to be shown Jack Black who has been cast as the romantic hero – but the woman has to be shown as the beautiful side. At least Shrek showed the ogres! Both Fiona and Shrek!
Liberating!
As well as being morally questionable, the film has ONE gag –
Jack – Hi generic friend character, meet my GORGEOUS girlfriend
Friend – But...she aint gorgeous! Look at her!
Jack – Huh? *confused look* Anywho, onto the next scene!
Jack - Hey other friend, isn’t she a looker?
Friend 2 – Who, Miss Piggy?
Jack – How odd of you to say that, I will ignore this however and do something whacky, probably something involving a guitar!
Guru – hmm, I disagree with the image you have of women Jack, I will secretly put a spell on you – you will only see ‘inner beauty’ if women are beautiful on the inside, they will be beautiful on the outside.
Jack sees gorgeous Gwyneth Paltrow
Jack: Yeaaaahhh, I’ll get me some!
Little does he know that Gwyneth is actually a 40 stone whale. However, beauty on the insssiiiiide. The film only shows us true appearance in brief half a second flashes. The audience cannot bear to subjected to anymore obese people after all that jack Black’s jiggling-on-the-pull dance.
Isn’t that a nice lesson about beauty? Hmmm, not really. This surely just cements the idea that thin and blonde = beautiful and overweight = UGLY, too ugly in fact to even be shown. However, we are allowed to be shown Jack Black who has been cast as the romantic hero – but the woman has to be shown as the beautiful side. At least Shrek showed the ogres! Both Fiona and Shrek!
Liberating!
As well as being morally questionable, the film has ONE gag –
Jack – Hi generic friend character, meet my GORGEOUS girlfriend
Friend – But...she aint gorgeous! Look at her!
Jack – Huh? *confused look* Anywho, onto the next scene!
Jack - Hey other friend, isn’t she a looker?
Friend 2 – Who, Miss Piggy?
Jack – How odd of you to say that, I will ignore this however and do something whacky, probably something involving a guitar!
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