Bratty teenage daughter – I hate you Diane Lane! Why won’t you get back together with Dad? Sure, he fucked other women and paid prostitutes and killed that guy that time...but fuck you, you are such a bitch!!!!
Diane – Right, I think I’ll get away from my awful life and run a hotel on the beach
Richard Gere – Hmm, I sure wish I hadn’t accidently kill that woman on my operating table, do I feel bad or what. I think I’ll take my aggression out on my son James Franco
James Franco – Whattt? Don’t use my name in this! I demand to be un-credited!
Richard Gere – this is coming from a guy who was in Spiderman 3?
Unamed son – oh gee dad, why don’t you wallow in your guilt at the hotel on the beach, I think Diane Lane is running this week and judging by her previous films, I’m guessing she’ll be up for it.
Richard Gere – Oh her again, she cheated on me in Unfaithful!
Richard and Diane meet.
Diane – haven’t we...?
Richard and Diane take it slowly at first. When the screenwriters realise they cannot use ‘Diane looked at Richard. Richard looked at Diane, Diane looked away coyly’ for the 60th time, they decide to make them KISS.
They have a 5 minute relationship, old people relationships shouldn’t be dwelt upon (are you listening Something’s gotta give??)
As the film is still only 60 minutes long and there has been no CRYING, a TWIST needs to take place
Richard dies in a mud hut accident!
Diane cries for 10 minutes. She then learns a lesson about life and herself.
She then makes up with her horrible daughter.
Diane – oh great, my prize is you? Why couldn’t they have killed me off instead?
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